"You Don't Date?"

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard this exclaimed throughout my teenage and young adult years. And I suppose to most, it does seem like an odd comeback to their question of either ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ or, the very rare: ‘What are you doing Friday night...?’ I tend to get this blank and somewhat confused look like I have suddenly grown another head or just announced that I’m actually a ruling dictator in Russia. Before I dive in with my explaination, I suppose I should clarify. It’s not that I don’t date, I’m just not looking to date... in the sense of what it’s come to be known as.

Call me old fashioned. Ok, let’s just get it out of the way: “Allison, you’re old fashioned.” I don’t know if it’s the fact that I was brought up in a fairly strict homeschooled environment, or my parents influence and beliefs on the subject, but I believe that when it comes right down to it, I have chosen this way for myself- no other. When I was in my teens, our house rule was no dating. That was just a given, and I was perfectly fine with it. I saw the positives of not going from one heartbreaking relationship to another, and I was too young to get married anyway. So one would assume now that I’m ‘out of the house’ so to speak, I could ditch what my parents were requiring and just date whomever, whenever, right? Not exactly. So why not? I was free, wasn’t I, to make my own choices? 

True. But the funny thing was, when I took a second look at why I did what I did, and the reasons behind it, I found out that my parents were actually on to something. This of course I already knew, but I wanted to verify it for myself anyway. What I realized is that yes, of course I wanted to find that certain someone, my best friend and partner for life, but did I want to have to go through 2, 3, 5- or more, guys and the repeatedly broken hearts that ensued, on the way to get there to that goal? No! Absolutely and emphatically no. I know many people would argue that you don’t know and can’t grow unless you try it out first or have your heart broken a few times along the way. Yes, quite a few will argue that it actually makes it sweeter, when you finally fall in love with the right one, because you’ve been able to find out what you didn’t want and what you weren’t looking for in a spouse along the way. What they fail to mention are the casualties you’ll have left along the roadside of life, casting those aside, trampling over their feelings (and yours)-- all in the pursuit of finding someone through trial and error. The only problem, other than the hurt feelings on both sides, is that in essence you’re trying out boys. They become simply try-out relationships... and then you’ve missed the point entirely. You no longer have marriage in mind, but of having a good time, going out, being flirtatious, and then when you truly get to know the person, casting them aside at the soonest convenient opportunity.

Usually knowing all this doesn’t deter people from dating. Am I afraid to get my heart broken, you ask? No. But for right now, I’ve decided that if I can have any say in it, I want to get to know a guy as a friend first, not having the intention of starting any relationship, until we both know we are fully ready to pursue a relationship with the goal of marriage as a the end result, if that is how the Lord is directing in each of our lives. 

I look forward to that day, if that is what God wants to fulfill in my life. However, until that day, I will continue to answer the question-- because I know the answer is ultimately in my, and my future spouses, best interest.