Guys: Be Superheroes

A chain of thoughts that lead to a blog idea. It happened in the flash of about 5 seconds. I was in the car, driving along a long stretch of road, my iPod on shuffle. Because that’s so fun sometimes, to not know what’s coming up. Sometimes, I’ll admit, I chuckle at myself when a random song pops up, and I think ‘Allison, why on earth do you have THIS in your song library?’, which provides me with some entertainment. This time a song, The Last Stand by Two Steps From Hell, came on unexpectedly. All joking about the name of the band aside, I really love all the soundtrack and instrumental music that these guys come up with. They’re so inspiring, adventuresome, epic and best played quite loud. Of course. Seeing that I like these types of movies anyway, it’s actually no wonder that my mind popped to where it did: Guys and superheroes. 

I could suddenly just picture guys driving around in their cars, just like I was doing, listening to this type of music, cranked up really loudly, and I wondered what it must mean to them. It has no words. It’s not a ‘girly song’ by any stretch of the imagination. When I hear it, I usually want to jump out of my car immediately and go climb a mountain, fight off an entire army single handedly, and rescue a bunch of people from certain doom. It’s a good thing I drive with a steady mind, and not my imagination controlling me. So all this to say, I wondered if guys thought along these lines too. Day in, day out, listening to this, it’s got to become more than just mere enjoyment music to them. I’m not a guy, so I can’t say with absolute certainty, but as a girl, I want to at least address one aspect of this type of music. Acts of heroism. Can the music guys listen to have an influence over the way they think? The way they perceive the world? Are they inspired to be a superhero in the life of a woman they know, their family or friends?

Climbing Mountains

Oh, the impossible. Or, is it impossible? Guys, I know a lot of tasks can be put upon your shoulders. Be the man of the house. Be the older brother. Take responsibility. All with a smile. This must feel like walking through mud with chained ankles, sometimes, I bet. It’s great to watch movies like Return of the King, and see Sam’s courage, willpower, and determination as he bravely slings Frodo over his shoulder when he can no longer continue. And Sam climbs that mountain. How? It’s so far, and he’s so small. And he’s carrying the weight of two people. The mountain isn’t even steady underneath them. How accurate is that to your life sometimes? It seems like an impossible task. And yet, somehow Sam makes it to the top. Sam is a total superhero, and he doesn’t even have any super powers. My favorite line is when Sam says to Frodo: “I can’t carry the ring for you Mr. Frodo, but I CAN CARRY YOU!” Guys, I want to encourage you to be compassionate like this to others. Sensitive is a girly word, so I’ll refrain from using it, but I believe Sam saw the burden Frodo had willingly placed upon himself, and Sam knew he couldn’t take that burden from Frodo, but he could carry him when his physical and mental strength gave out. You can do this too. Maybe you notice your father’s increasing burden of doing certain tasks as he gets older or busier, and you know you can help. This is not placing the entire task on yourself as a burden, but taking the initiative to compassionately help where needed. You can be that. Maybe your friend has taken on an impossible task, and you see an area that you could help him with, decreasing the size of the task for him. What about a girl who needs the oil changed in her car, and doesn’t know the difference between transmission fluid and windshield washer fluid? (Haha... can’t you just see THAT working out!). Who cares if you’ve barely said twenty words to her? Being the superhero means piping up when you hear her speaking about it needing to be done, and saying “I can do that! What day this week would be ok for me to come do that for you?” Her reaction will be complete shock. To the rescue!

Fighting A War

Morals. Standards. Saying no when everyone says yes. Upholding the law. Ah, all the great caped crusaders do it. They fight for what is right, when the world says there is no absolute truth, and whatever feels right is fine. It’s like an evil mastermind villain has invaded all their minds and turned them to mindless drones. Gasp! And it’s true. This villain is called Satan, and he’s infiltrated the minds of every human being on the planet. He’s turned them against the good that was initially instilled in all of us. Some choose to just act on it more than others and ignore The Truth, even though we are all sinners. Don’t you love it when all your guy friends are going to see Immortals, with all of its gore and nudity content, and you feel deep inside you that it just wouldn’t be something you should intentionally put into your mind and life? Agh. Saying no is hard. You’re a man, after all! You can do what you want! Right? Well, there are times when you can’t do what you want. Bruce Wayne, for instance. In Batman Begins, Bruce could have remained a rich playboy, closing his eyes to all the corruption going on right under his very own city. He could have walked away when he saw the drug trade, crime and violence erupting into his society. But his father worked so hard to build all that up, for the good of the people. And now they were stupidly tearing it down from around them, not caring or remembering what was right and good anymore. How easy would it have been for Bruce to join them and live it up. It would have been so simple. So much simpler than what he chose to do; which was fight. Fight for what he knew was right. For what was good. For something that people would probably laugh at these days, because that kind of a world seems like a silly ideal to most people. My favorite line that Bruce says to Roz Al Goul, and one that sporadically pops into my mind for who knows what reason, is: “I’ll be standing right where I’m supposed to be. Between you and the people of Gotham City.” He stood in that gap, when Roz wanted to watch them all destroy each other so he could start a new utopian city, killing thousands of innocent people in the process. Roz didn’t care about morals, standards, or what was right. Bruce did. And Batman has no super powers either. You can do this in your own life as well and become a superhero, rising above the crime and corruption of the world. Saying no to something, sure, but what about fighting with your right to vote? What will your voice cry out in the battle for unborn children? Who will you maybe have to physically fight back to protect someone you love, or someone you barely know? Take that stand. Hold to what you believe to be true, right, and worthy of fighting for. I guarantee those around you will begin to take notice, and curiosity will get the best of them. A man who stands for what is right is someone I look up to, as does everyone else. So fight back those hordes! To the rescue! 

Saving The Helpless

Ok guys, admit it: Who among you hasn’t dreamed of rushing in and saving a woman from something awful? Attackers, kidnappers, dragons, wild beasts, your arch enemy. I can imagine what a rush that must be. The thrill and realization that you have literally just saved someone from death. Ok, let’s step it up a notch, what if it were an entire village you had to rescue? A little trickier, but as noted above, not impossible! Sure, maybe you get thanked, but more often than not, the reality is that you probably won’t. Every guy wants to be acknowledged for his bravery, risking life and limb. But that’s not why you should do it. Part of being a superhero is that you do these things because you know you won’t be thanked, but that you know it needs to be done. And knowing that internally is some of the most rewarding feelings one can have. How are you going to step up and rescue someone less fortunate than you? The helpless, fatherless and needy? This can be a lot of pressure in and of itself. Just how far should your compassion and moral guiding extend? Should you give $5 to every homeless or seemingly homeless person on the side of the road with a sign? Should you sponsor ten kids in different countries and live on Ramen noddle soup for the rest of your life as a result? Should you go to that church event and help clean up a poor neighborhood or help replace a dishwasher in a widow or single mom’s house? I don’t know. I do know there are limits when you begin neglecting yourself and those around you. Each person has different gifts, too, or strengths, in what they feel they can and should do-- time, finance, and manual labor wise. So there’s no one uniform answer for everyone, like a blanket for all the problems in the world. Guys, I don’t know about you, but that inability to not do everything breaks my heart. It’s almost like you’re done before you even try. Let’s talk Captain America. Some might argue that he doesn’t have any powers, just a lot of added strength. Every guy has this power inside of him. Captain America wanted to help his fellow human beings. They were in desperate need, and he stepped up, took the initiative, and didn’t give up when they told him no. He got something he wasn’t expecting at all, and maybe wasn’t his ideal in the first place when he thought of enlisting. He helped and rescued thousands by his actions. Before he became Captain America, he asked his recruiters, “Why me?”, and they replied, “Because a weak man knows the value of strength.” Wise words. So you can swoop in and rescue those less fortunate than you. Those that are hurting. Maybe this means sitting down and just asking your mom or dad how they’re doing, and listening to them. Hero. Maybe it means going out of your way to travel farther than normal to pick up your friend whose car broke down again for the thirteenth time (and you’ve told him to do something about it again, and again, but he never seems to listen to your advice). Hero. Maybe this means opening a simple door for a girl, even though she has nothing in her arms. No, they’re not broken. Yes, she has her own hands. Why, then? Chivalry. Honor. Showing you care in the little things. This, and other acts of chivalry, show girls all these things. Hero. To the rescue! 

You can be that. Just like you’re imagining. It may look different in real life, but there may come a day in the future when you really WILL be called upon to do something hard, death-defying, or sacrificial. When that day comes, you’ll be ready. Because you have the hope of Jesus Christ inside you, and you’ll already be what you’ve been practicing. Guys: Be superheroes in your every day lives. 

I Only Have One More Month...

...to live. 

That's what you thought I was going to say, wasn't it? No :) I actually have one more payment to make on my CareOne Debt Management Program-- after FOUR YEARS. 

Some of you HSAer's may remember me posting this blog way back in July 2009 about my dream of attending dental hygiene school not becoming a reality on account of my debt: [ http://www.homeschoolalumni.org/weblog_entry.php?e=30882 ] And by that point, I had already started paying off my debt in August 2008, right before I attended my first HSA Reunion in Kentucky. Don't the years fly by?? Crazy! That just seems like yesterday. But for someone who was trying to pay off $14,000 in debt, those years can go so, so slowly.

Yes. You read that right. I just said $14,000 and admitted it on the internet for all to see. Hard to believe, isn't it? This has so far, in my life, been the largest blight on my record of Things Allison Is Not Proud Of Doing (and no, I don't actually keep a physical list with this title. Haha). Some of you have also read the debt article I wrote a few years ago that was published, so you may recall that gathering up that much of that debt came slowly, over the years, with vainly purchased items here and there, random things that I regretted later, major car repair expenses in the $400 to $800 range, plane tickets home, etc. The ironic part is that I had NEVER actually even wanted to have a credit card. Truly. Then at first I did the responsible thing and bought only small things and paid it off immediately to build my credit. Then, somewhere, somehow, my sight of that slipped. I will argue that the majority of the debt came from emergency expenses because I was on my own and had to survive, but that is really no excuse and I can't use it. My whole life I have been the saver, the one who considered 'larger' purchases for months or years at a time before buying them. So to have this $14,000 lingering over my head constantly, taunting me, pointing fingers and saying "Allison, you're such a failure. You're no saver! Just look at this! You're a hypocrite!", was pure and simple, torture. In 2009 when I was accepted into dental hygiene school, I pushed those thoughts away and shrugged my shoulders. I'd just get another loan for college anyway, and pay for both things at once, then pay it all back (two loans, in reality) when I had graduated and had the dream job and career I wanted. Boy was I in for a rude awakening! No co-signer for such a large loan meant no college. The End. Finished. Done. 

But was it the end to my dreams? To my resolve? To my determination to pay it off, save up, and apply again? NO! I am proud and happy to say that I have kept my dreams alive these last four years, and sacrificially paid an enormous payment each month to CareOne for my debt consolidation plan. It was like paying two rent amounts each month, believe it or not o_0. Yeah. That part, I think, really hurt me emotionally the most. These past four years, I'd been mentally kicking myself each month as I kissed that money goodbye when it was automatically taken out. It was like a punch to the stomach. Another taunt, saying, "Allison, look at this huge payment amount! You're paying yourself back for something you didn't have money for in the first place! Think of ALL the things you could be using that money for!" This hurt. I could be SAVING it for college, instead, which was my ideal in the first place. Yep. Had I not spent that money on the things I spent them on, I'd probably be at college right now. Or have already graduated. But, that's just one of those adult things you have to suck up, stand up a bit straighter, breathe in, and tell yourself that it's your own fault, and you'll be ok. Amazingly, and I should have never doubted, God had some incredible plans for me here in Colorado Springs while I paid those payments for four years. I moved into a house with some girls I barely knew, but are now some of my best friends in the world. I was able to volunteer at a camp in Windsor, CO, and made some more amazing HSA friends there. I kept attending my church, volunteering there, writing for them, editing, stading up on stage, and participating in backstage crew. Yes, meeting more amazing people. I also got to finally meet a great HSA family when they vacationed in CO, and that has changed my life entirely. All these things, over the years, had I been at CNCC in Rangely, studying, I would not have been able to do. All those people and opportunities would have never crossed my path. My eyes are opened wide to what God has done and how He's moved in my life as a result of the denial of my dream, and I am humbled, grateful, in awe, and provided for in His loving arms. WOW. 

Will I be completely, 100% debt free in June? No. But close! So close, I can taste it. Have I stopped spending money on my credit cards that I don't have money for? Yes. By God's grace, yes. Crazy to think about, and so relieving. Having this program over and done with will lift a HUGE burden off me, and enable me to allocate that money for other things, finally. I want to be more generous, give more to charity, sponsor a child, save save save, and get back on track financially! I am *so* excited for this next chapter of my life. And I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers all these years! Isn't God crazy good?? :D

Silence Out Into The Open

An amazing friend recently asked me when I would write again. And my answer was that I would more than likely write about something I had been thinking over for a long time. I'm realizing more and more that I am not in control of my life, however, because this blog is being written about throughts from yesterday. Thoughts that rushed to the surface in my day of silence for Good Friday, and even that day played out in a way that I was not expecting.

The day started out difficultly. I'm realizing that I use technology so much, and have time carved out for checking e-mail, texting friends, calling people, checking Facebook, updating Facebook, stalk-- er, reading up on my friend's lives on Facebook, checking Facebook again, looking up something on the internet, taking a picture. But none of that was available to me this morning. To make matters worse (not really, I'm being dramatic), the people I live with had their carpet cleaned for an event that the house is having in MAY (more than a month away, actually), and they asked me not to eat in my room until then. Sigh. So, I trooped downstairs for breakfast and was told a joke about silent monks, even though I couldn't laugh at it. Oh, cruel world :) I then decided to go back to bed for at least an hour. Because I could. And I couldn't talk. Or get on the internet. 

I came to realize throughout the day that I made my meals more slowly. I ate them more slowly. I sat at the kitchen table and had to go with my own internal thoughts while lifting the fork to my mouth and chewing. It was a lonely day. While the people I live with were in and out of the house, talking back and forth with each other, I seemed to be stuck in one place. Almost wrapped up in an invisible bubble somehow. But at the same time, it was amazing and needed. I had absolutely nothing else to think about than Christ's sacrifice, what he did, must have felt, how much it must have hurt. The fear. The anguish. I left the house after lunch and reading in Matthew some of the events leading up to the Passover/Last supper, betrayal, and some of Jesus' thoughts on life, light, and his exact prediction and description of how he would die. I marveled at what the disciples must have thought as they saw it all play out exactly as he said. Were they shocked? Who can predict how they will die, and have it happen? 

I drove downtown in a silent car. Nothing but me, the engine, and the sound of the turn signal, clicking. Kind of crazy. This is unusual for me, because 364 days out of every year, I get into my car and reach for the stereo button, plugging in my iPod or listening to the radio. Unless I have passengers, of course, which is pretty rare. The whole day is just so jarring to me! Very theraputic. I was so excited and looking forward to walking the labyrinth. I've walked it for the past 6 years, and a few years before that when my family lived in CO the first time. Something I'm used to. Something I take for granted. It really was my own fault, not looking it up beforehand. So I got there, parked, walked in, and it turns out that this year the church decided to have the labyrinth open only one day--Thursday--, the day before.  Yep. Oh! I missed it by one day! Now what was I going to do? 

Well, it was a gorgeous, if not windy day, very warm and sunny. So, I drove to Red Rocks Canyon. It's somewhat similar to Garden of the God's, only more wildnerness and dirt trails. Pretty rugged. I was determined: I would walk somewhere, and still have that time of prayer and reflection, even if it meant stepping out of my norm. So I parked, and started hiking. This is the great thing about life: It always makes you step out of your comfort zone by taking you completely by surprise. Was I wearing hiking shoes or clothes? No. Did I have a water bottle? No. A hat? No. I was unprepared. I didn't plan any of it, which is perhaps what made me smile the most. As I walked, I couldn't help but think of how Jesus had been the normal for his disciples for years. They were used to being around him, seeing his teaching and miracles. He walked on the water, and so did Peter! He fed thousands of people with very little! He even raised Lazarus from the dead after 4 days. And then, Jesus was just suddenly yanked away from them. He was there, then he wasn't. And they didn't know for sure that he was going to rise from the dead, like we do, because we have the Bible and can look ahead. They either had great depression, or great faith. After taking a path that veered off to the right and didn't look like it went really anywhere exciting, I suddenly came out into this giant open space with huge red rocks looming up on either side. One of the rocks wasn't too high, and could easily be walked up, almost like a ramp. I walked up the rock carefully, getting higher and higher, and when I got to the top, my breath caught in a gasp: Three trees stood in front of the rock, overlooking a small lake that was shaped like... a heart. Like this <3 With Pikes Peak and the mountain range framed in the background. It was almost more than I could imagine. It was like God was saying, "Allison, climb up and sit here on this rock! You can't see what's ahead yet, but just wait until you get to the top! I'll provide all you need, and nudge your heart to reflection." WOW. No electronics, so no picture, but it was special nonetheless. I stayed and prayed for nearly an hour, not caring about the sun beating down on me or the wind whipping my hair crazily. Suddenly, not walking the labyrinth didn't bother me. It was just so like God to take me out of my protected, inside ritual; though I did it for a good reason every year, I was safe inside that church and surrounded by walls. This time, I was outside in the open, completely exposed, wind howling, and God was protecting me. Just as He was in my life, and always will. He knows what He has planned for me, and I, do not. I can trust and follow Him into the wildnerness, though, to be surprised by His grace, mercy, and provision. 

The rest of the day was spent reading about the crucifixion in all four of the gospels, taking a nap, going for a long walk as the sun was setting, and reading through 1st and 2nd Peter, which I was intrigued with. Not talking wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be this year. But everything else that happened, was. It was exactly what I needed. 

Holding On, Letting Go

It’s amazing how your mind handles change as you get older. Ok, I know 27 isn’t old, but compared to 10 years ago when I was 17, it feels older. When I was younger, I was fairly inflexible. Not completely, but in my later teenage years, our family was going through a lot of moving and chaos and things were just completely out of my control. I look back now and see that was probably one of the huge contributors to that inflexibility. I wanted to desperately have a sense of normalcy and a say in what happened with my life, that I think I perhaps held on a little too tightly to whatever I could. I had to know things in advance. I was in control. A lot of that came from fear. And believe me, I’m certainly not absent of fear in my current day-to-day life, but it has been amazing to see that the more freedom I’ve gained, the more flexible I’ve become! I think change is a good thing. 

What brought this on? Well, the first thing that tipped me off was that fact that I received 3 (three!) gift cards to a favorite sub place, all from different people, for my birthday. And then a gift card to my favorite frozen yogurt place. My friends know me! And I love that. But my gosh-- was I really that predictable? That always shakes you up a bit, thinking that. I’ve realized that living “on my own”, away from my family, has some downsides; namely, it has increased my routines and need for things to be the way I want them. When I lived with three other roommates for two years, I was thrown into three other people’s schedules, friend groups, wants, and random, spur of the moment ideas. This made me more flexible, and I loved it. It stretched me a LOT, something I was truly grateful for. I’m pretty sure God did it on purpose ;) But because of marriage and the house lease ending, we all went our own ways for housing choices, and I found myself once again ‘on my own’, more or less. I’m still flexible, but I’ve noticed a few routines creeping back. No! No! Nooooo! 

So here’s the thing that dawned on me today: Someday, who knows when in the future, I’ll probably get married. And then there will be someone else there, all of a sudden. One day you’re single, the next day, you’re married. Like a permanent roommate :) That person will have their routines, quirks, ways of doing things, and preferences. Change will be good again. This at one time used to make me stop and think: “Well, I’ll have to make sure this and this is done around the house, and I’d want the towels to be hung a certain way...” Ha! Which is just laughable to me now. As I get older and experience more of life, I notice that my ideas about change itself has... changed. So eloquent, I know. And brilliant. But it’s true! One day you’re used to sleeping by yourself for the past 27 years, and the next you think, oh, it won’t be much different to have someone else sleeping there beside me. Just as if, it’s as easy as breathing. No big deal. For years you think you want the towels to be hung a certain way, and then you suddenly could care less (or even what color the towels will be!). Where will you go on vacation? What kind of car will you drive? What if you find a *new* restaurant to eat at and enjoy?!  Life changes, and will continue to change, no matter what you go through, who you meet, what you do, or what you don’t do. This doesn’t mean you can just flitter around and be a ‘free spirit’ and live up life with reckless abandon, because you only live once, but it means making wise choices with your life and what you believe God is directing you to do.Yes, change is good. I say bring on the flexibility! Change changes you as you get older.