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...to live.
That's what you thought I was going to say, wasn't it? No :) I actually have one more payment to make on my CareOne Debt Management Program-- after FOUR YEARS.
Some of you HSAer's may remember me posting this blog way back in July 2009 about my dream of attending dental hygiene school not becoming a reality on account of my debt: [ http://www.homeschoolalumni.org/weblog_entry.php?e=30882 ] And by that point, I had already started paying off my debt in August 2008, right before I attended my first HSA Reunion in Kentucky. Don't the years fly by?? Crazy! That just seems like yesterday. But for someone who was trying to pay off $14,000 in debt, those years can go so, so slowly.
Yes. You read that right. I just said $14,000 and admitted it on the internet for all to see. Hard to believe, isn't it? This has so far, in my life, been the largest blight on my record of Things Allison Is Not Proud Of Doing (and no, I don't actually keep a physical list with this title. Haha). Some of you have also read the debt article I wrote a few years ago that was published, so you may recall that gathering up that much of that debt came slowly, over the years, with vainly purchased items here and there, random things that I regretted later, major car repair expenses in the $400 to $800 range, plane tickets home, etc. The ironic part is that I had NEVER actually even wanted to have a credit card. Truly. Then at first I did the responsible thing and bought only small things and paid it off immediately to build my credit. Then, somewhere, somehow, my sight of that slipped. I will argue that the majority of the debt came from emergency expenses because I was on my own and had to survive, but that is really no excuse and I can't use it. My whole life I have been the saver, the one who considered 'larger' purchases for months or years at a time before buying them. So to have this $14,000 lingering over my head constantly, taunting me, pointing fingers and saying "Allison, you're such a failure. You're no saver! Just look at this! You're a hypocrite!", was pure and simple, torture. In 2009 when I was accepted into dental hygiene school, I pushed those thoughts away and shrugged my shoulders. I'd just get another loan for college anyway, and pay for both things at once, then pay it all back (two loans, in reality) when I had graduated and had the dream job and career I wanted. Boy was I in for a rude awakening! No co-signer for such a large loan meant no college. The End. Finished. Done.
But was it the end to my dreams? To my resolve? To my determination to pay it off, save up, and apply again? NO! I am proud and happy to say that I have kept my dreams alive these last four years, and sacrificially paid an enormous payment each month to CareOne for my debt consolidation plan. It was like paying two rent amounts each month, believe it or not o_0. Yeah. That part, I think, really hurt me emotionally the most. These past four years, I'd been mentally kicking myself each month as I kissed that money goodbye when it was automatically taken out. It was like a punch to the stomach. Another taunt, saying, "Allison, look at this huge payment amount! You're paying yourself back for something you didn't have money for in the first place! Think of ALL the things you could be using that money for!" This hurt. I could be SAVING it for college, instead, which was my ideal in the first place. Yep. Had I not spent that money on the things I spent them on, I'd probably be at college right now. Or have already graduated. But, that's just one of those adult things you have to suck up, stand up a bit straighter, breathe in, and tell yourself that it's your own fault, and you'll be ok. Amazingly, and I should have never doubted, God had some incredible plans for me here in Colorado Springs while I paid those payments for four years. I moved into a house with some girls I barely knew, but are now some of my best friends in the world. I was able to volunteer at a camp in Windsor, CO, and made some more amazing HSA friends there. I kept attending my church, volunteering there, writing for them, editing, stading up on stage, and participating in backstage crew. Yes, meeting more amazing people. I also got to finally meet a great HSA family when they vacationed in CO, and that has changed my life entirely. All these things, over the years, had I been at CNCC in Rangely, studying, I would not have been able to do. All those people and opportunities would have never crossed my path. My eyes are opened wide to what God has done and how He's moved in my life as a result of the denial of my dream, and I am humbled, grateful, in awe, and provided for in His loving arms. WOW.
Will I be completely, 100% debt free in June? No. But close! So close, I can taste it. Have I stopped spending money on my credit cards that I don't have money for? Yes. By God's grace, yes. Crazy to think about, and so relieving. Having this program over and done with will lift a HUGE burden off me, and enable me to allocate that money for other things, finally. I want to be more generous, give more to charity, sponsor a child, save save save, and get back on track financially! I am *so* excited for this next chapter of my life. And I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers all these years! Isn't God crazy good?? :D
